Seven gifts sure to ruin my Christmas and my insanity

The Toronto Star featured an article today: Seven gifts sure to ruin Christmas (for men)… I feel the need to write a version for me.

Seven gifts sure to ruin my Christmas and my insanity

1. Fake Brand Names

Don’t, just don’t. There’s nothing I hate more than seeing someone carrying a “Brada” and be proud of it. Would you wear fake Addidas sneakers?

2. Purse/Bag/Wallet

Unless if you are willing to buy me a real thing made with Italian leather, otherwise my handbag obsession is too severe to refrain from gagging when I see a gift-wrapped-Multi-Colour-Plastic-Velcro-Wallet.

3. Lingerie/Underwear

One word - Awkward! I feel like you are intruding my privacy.

4. Clothes

If you buy a size too small, I’m flattered but since I’m not delusional so it’s going straight to the clothing donation box.
If you buy a size too big, I will hold a grudge against you for the rest of my life.
If you buy the right size, I might still hate it so why don’t you just let me buy my own clothes.

5. Useless Gadgets

Useless Gadget Encyclopedia: Electronic Sudoku Machine, Pen Size Flashlight, Egg Slicer, Back Scratcher and Yogurt Maker are all good examples

6. Novelty Stuff

Prank Kit, Whoopee Cushion, Hello Kitty Toes Socks and Giant Dildo are all ridiculously inappropriate gifts.

7. Re-gift

If you don't want to keep it for you why are you giving it to me? I'm not Oscar and I rather get nothing than getting a shitty gift. One's garbage is always my garbage.


Rule of thumb: All shapes and sizes of alcohol is always welcome.
So shall we just stick to giving Christmas gifts to kids only?